My dad's second surgery is this month. No set date yet but still it's soon. Today he called and told me that he was looking yellow again and has an appointment with Angio (sp?) tomorrow to see if something is up with one of his tubes. He didn't want me to get scared should he have to stay in the hospital tomorrow for observations.

So what am I doing around this time? Wedding stuff and trying not to think about how my dad could be too sick, or not even here come August, but lets think positively shall we?

So yesterday we had our Engagement Pictures, which was awesome! I love our photographer. I can't wait for him to take care of our memories for the big day. We went to a great alley in the city and took pictures near garbage and graffiti ! It's going to look fantastic!

This week I also have my hair/makeup trial, my food tasting and my bridal shower!!!!

So positive fun wedding things..

P.S. I hate invitations never ever do them yourself.

A week ago today I was sitting in a hospital while my dad was having 70% of his liver and gallbladder taken out.  We arrived at the hospital at 6am and made our way to "day surgery", which is laughable as we were told this surgery would take 5 to 8 hours! Mom and I yoinked a private "consultation room" that had two chairs and a small love seat and a closing door since we knew we were here for the long haul. We had packed breakfast, water, pop and I had about five books and my laptop. We were ready.

Dad was taken to change and set up in a temporary bed while we waited for everything to get started. Only one person at a time was allowed to stay with him and Mom stayed most of the time. I got him upset the first time, the aesthetician’s assistant explained the IVs he was going to put in and I didn’t want to stay around for that but it made me cry, which in turn made my dad cry, which makes me cry harder! I’m not sure about anyone else but seeing my dad cry is one of the worst things as he’s my rock. I did see him a couple times after this and held my composure and by quarter to 8 they took him away.

 

Now the waiting began.

 

We read, I played Sims, read, spider solitaire. Every two hours I’d come out of our room and call my sister (no cell phone service in the bowels of the hospital) and text work and whatnot. 9:10am the surgery had started and was going well. We didn’t hear anything again until 3 when we had to prompt for info, apparently the head surgery nurse came looking for us but we weren’t there (read that : they didn’t check the room even though we told them we were in one).  We were told that his surgery was taking longer then normal and wouldn’t be done at 3:30pm but maybe around 6.

 

6 came and went.

 

We asked again, by this time we had to hunt someone down as day surgery was closed so I broke into post op.

 

Surgery was still going and would be another 2 to 3 hours. They knew we were there and would come and get us when he was done.

 

By 8:30pm we could hardly sit. I was constantly trying not to cry as something wasn’t right it was almost 12 hours!  Matt arrived around 9 thankfully and got us tea and hot chocolate. Still we waited – while I spilled very hot hot chocolate on my neck.

 

10:30pm they came to get us saying he was being moved directly to ICU (which was always the plan) and they might have forgotten about us!  They moved us to the ICU waiting room.

 

11pm The Surgeon (oh yes he gets caps) came to talk to us…

 

First that they had found something on his liver, and worried that the cancer had metastasized had it analyzed (by sending a frozen sample which can be analyzed right away…) it came back as negative (thank gods) and he made them do a second opinion, again negative. They are still sending it off for the long test but the chances are slim that it’s positive. So they went ahead with the operation.

 

The cancer was more advanced then they thought and had wrapped around a blood vessel. The Surgeon did say that normally he wouldn’t have been a surgery candidate if it was known prior to surgery. However The Surgeon is fantastic (despite his bedside manner) and continued. They had to split vessels and put them back together again which he didn’t like because it causes more area for blood clots but he couldn’t save what he wanted to because of the wrapping. Also my dad had swelling because of infections (he had sepsis at one point) which caused the removal of the liver to be difficult, as it didn’t just come off a vessel easily. In fact a blood vessel (portal vein?) tore and my dad started to lose a lot of blood, 6 units in fact! He went into crisis (but not coding) which in turn made his body swell even more.

 

The Surgeon brought in a Vascular Surgeon to help save my dad and both of them along with The Surgeon’s resident saved my dad. I love them all; they can now do no wrong, regardless of bedside manner.

 

 So the good news is they got all of the cancer (I love The Surgeon have I said that yet?) but the bad news is they didn’t do the resection (which reattaches the liver, bile duct and intestines) so he still has bags to help drain bile. A second surgery will happen in about two months.

 

Dad is now out of ICU and in a surgical observation unit. He’s doing well, walking and off epidural. Hopefully he’ll get his semi private room soon which means he’s even more on the road to recovery (right now there are 4 to a room and they get extra nurse care)

 

I’ve been staying at my parents house this past week, my work being super awesome allowing me to work from home and visit the hospital Mon-Wed. I’m now back at work yesterday and today since I can call him whenever I want now that he’s no longer ICU.

 

Things are looking up but it has been a hell of a ride and there still more road to go down but for now we are taking each day as we can.

A week ago today I was sitting in a hosiptal while my dad was having 70% of his liver and gallbladder taken out.  We arrived at the hospital at 6am and made our way to "day surgery", which is laughable as we were told this surgery would take 5 to 8 hours! Mom and I yoinked a private "consultation room" that had two chairs and a small love seat and a closing door since we knew we were here for the long haul. We had packed breakfast, water, pop and I had about five books and my laptop. We were ready.

Dad was taken to change and set up in a temporary bed while we waited for everything to get started. Only one person at a time was allowed to stay with him and Mom stayed most of the time. I got him upset the first time, the anesthetitian's

I have a sudden urge to watch LOTR...

Wonder why :) 

I'm starting to get back into wedding planning mode after being extremely depressed for the last month and a bit. Work has been too busy and of course the big cloud that is my dad's sickness has just put me in a mood to do absolutely nothing! So before the big day on the 16th when my dad will lose over half his liver, I thought I'd get back into planning before that rollercoaster takes off.

I started today looking again for hair and makeup. I'd prefer to have one company do it, which is what my sister had, but I've hit a brick wall. Toronto is extremely expensive! I paid $65 for hair and makeup at my sister's wedding and they came to us. I'm looking at $60-$100 for just makeup or just hair! I'm so frustrated as I didn't budget for so such an extravagance.

I'm at a loss of what to do right now.

I hate planning!

ARGH!

I'm sitting here at work, surrounded by the smell of the holidays. That smell would be none other then a clementine. I know that there are other scents, cinnamon, pine needles, fire, but to me it's definitely clementines. After eating a few (and you can never just eat one) you smell for hours afterwards and it's a scent I love.

I'm not into christmas this year at all. I realized this morning I'm not into anything. I spent the weekend doing nothing, except I did make chili. My bathroom hasn't been cleaned in I don't know how long, and nor do you UGH! My kitchen floor needs a really good scrub and lets not even talk about my area rugs. All I want to do is lay on the couch and watch tv, or play online. The last thing I want to do is pick up a mop and broom, or venture into the crowded malls looking for gifts. It's already December 8th and I've maybe a handful of ideas, and a minute amount of shopping actually done. One gift purchased on Sunday only because it's secret santa day this Wednesday, and I don't even know if I have wrapping paper.

Blah is how I'd describe me right now. My overgrown eyebrows, my half dyed hair with whites at the temple, the split ends and baggy shirt.

BLAH.

I've had almost the most horrible month and a half imaginable. Almost, not quite, waiting for the other shoe to drop. On October 18th, I was playing Spore on Matt's computer when my mom called. As usual I asked how she was, in which she said "I'm fine, but your father isn't". My world fell, he was in the hospital. He was jaundiced and had white stool, and what I didn't know was dark urine as well. We convinced ourselves it would just be temporary and I decided not to take the time to go and visit them, what could I do anyway. The next week he stayed in the hospital, tests after CT after MRI showed nothing. And by the next Saturday dad was still in the hospital and I'd temporarily moved in to my parents house (on the Friday - Halloween). He was given a weekend pass that first weekend I was there, and we spent the time cleaning and enjoying ourselves, my dad looking just fine except for the yellow skin. I had Monday off from work as a personal day, and spent the day with my dad in the hospital. By this point we had already googled to our hearts dismay and knew what could be coming, inconclusive tests compounding our fear. That Monday the "House-esk" surgeon told my dad he had cancer, bile duct cancer. Bluntly. "So it's cancer and..." I didn't really hear much after that. I hugged my dad and cried slightly after the surgeon left, wondering out loud how he KNEW it was cancer if they'd yet to do a biopsy. Of course I couldn't think of this while he was still in the room. The surgeon stated that he would be taking 75% of my dad's liver as the cancer was in the duct that's inside the liver. He had to make sure that there would be enough liver left over and was consulting with other doctors in the Credit Valley. They would also be giving him a shunt to bypass the blockage and reduce his other symptoms, which now included extreme itchy skin. The next week I worked from home, luckily it wasn't busy and I was still able to find time for the hospital and my dad. He was given a shunt and bag to help drain the bilirubin. The bag worked and they decided to shut it off and just use the shunt, but unfortunately and his biliruben levels went up and my dad's patience for the hospital went down. He went back on the bag and was sent home and a nurse assigned. By this point my sister and nephew had arrived and I spent the time traveling between downtown and my parents house, the hospital and trying to see my family. Matt was at home, unable to commute properly from my parents house. November 21st, 1 week after being released at home, my dad was taken back to the hospital. That whole week he had been leaking from the entry site of the bag. He spent over 24 hours before he got a bed and a room and another 24 hours before the diagnosed him with e-coli poisoning! As I was back at my apartment I didn't realize how bad he was until I came for the weekend, and heard the stories of his extreme shakes and chills. They fixed his tube and he's back at home. I find it hard to write about but also have to! They are still waiting to find out if they will need to try embolization, which essentially cuts off blood to the right side of his liver to promote the growth of the left, leaving him with more after the surgery. Hopefully they won't need to do this so they can get this fast acting and deadly cancer out. My dad hasn't been told a survival rate, or if he has he's not sharing with me. The internet is horrible and I try not to read about this cancer with this 0% chance if not completely removed. Work is crazy busy and despite what some might think, busy all the time is NOT good as in my line of work it leaves me with less time for family and much more stress. I have enough stress thanks. I know very well this can and probably will get a whole lot worse. I'm trying to be strong for my family, for my mom and sister. Really I just want to curl up and cry for days. Instead I'm just going to go to bed and face another day.

I thought I'd do a Meme while I procrastinated!

http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/

1. Describe the perfect date for YOURSELF... what you would enjoy most.

     Ugh I hate this question. I'm not one for thinking about "perfect" whatever, since it's the moment that will make it perfect. A date might be planned out perfectly but any little thing can go wrong, or even the person

2. Do you lean more toward being submissive or dominant?

   Submissive actually

3. What do you usually wear to bed?

   Pjs which are usually a tank top and pj bottoms. Last night was shorts instead of actual pants

4. Have you ever seen a counselor?

   Nope

5. Lights on or off?

    I like mood, like a red or coloured light. Enough that you can see but not enough so it hurts your eyes.

Sometimes after a tragedy like last weekend was, you need a bit of happiness to help everyone heal. We accomplished this with a very well planned engagement BBQ, which I hope helped everyone forget the past a little and celebrate the future.

Saturday morning we woke up to rain, even after the weatherman told us that from 8am on there would be clear skies. He lied as it rained off an on until at least 12noon with the BBQ guests scheduled to arrive anytime after 1pm! After much running around in the morning, searching for this and not finding that, we made it home showered and everything was out and ready by 2pm (the rain did slow us down putting stuff outside).

The party had overcast skies for most of the day but the sun did join us during our very lengthily game of bocce ball, 8 balls everyone with their own ball! Yellow unfortunately won, I was red.

I can't express how happy I felt on Saturday, surrounded by friends and family, with great food and great fun. It was over before I knew it but I wouldn't change a thing.

Less then a year until I'm a married woman!!

This past weekend was one of the worst I've yet experienced. It was full of tears and sinking stomachs and scary shivers.

Thursday night after seeing a sample my beautiful flowers for the wedding, a free service my wonderful florist offers, we set out for the weekend and to prepare for our Engagement Barbe-que that Saturday. Picked up the photos I had printed at Walmart since I've given up on printing my own at home, had dinner and went home. The next morning, Friday, we woke late and got to work around Matt's parents place. It was about 1pm, I was soaked to the core, and was deep into washing the back of the house with a hose and a attachable and expandable brush. The power washer had failed us and so I got a shower of cold water and spiders which flew from the siding, some as large as a quarter, at least that's what it seemed to me. Ugh!

Suddenly I was scared by Matt's dad who asked me to come into the house a second. My heart sunk, I knew that he couldn't have good news if he was asking me to stop my wet job to come inside. I stood just inside the door my pants dripping on the mat as the family gathered in the kitchen, only because I couldn't move from the doorway. Then we were told, Matt's grandad had passed away a few hours earlier. The BBQ was off, for obvious reasons and we had to start preparing to go up north, where the funeral aarrangements needed to be made.

-I didn't know his grandad that well but what I did know of him was wonderful. He loved to talk and was so kind hearted. I wish I had known him longer, not jusT the few short visits I got while being with Matt. I still feel depressed when I think we won't be sitting in his room chatting ever again.-

Hours later, everyone we could get a hold of called and arrangements made to leave, the nine of us left. Unfortunately we Matt's grandmother, mother's side, made it all the way down for the party with two of his cousins, so we all stopped at our apt on the way. This is where the horrible sad day goes from shitty to hell.

It took us thirty minutes or so to notice and it still seems surreal looking back on it now. The apartment was broken into, the only thing gone was the Wii, games and controllers along with my new purple carry on bag to carry all the loot. I've never felt so violated, someone had been in my apartment, in my bedroom! I still get chills thinking about it.

We did get a second lock installed, courtesy of my father who went to my apartment on Saturday morning to make sure everything was still ok, since we did have to leave eventually to go up north.

So now after a very long and sad weekend that got extended, we are home, still grieving and smarting from both the death and shock of this whole affair.

We convinced another girl from work to join the same gym as us. The more social we make this the more we will be going, which was my downfall last week as I was to go alone... and didn't. We were really excited because we had told her all about this evil stability ball class that we liked (it's a very very good workout!). We busted our buts to get to the gym in time, and what do we find out.. the class has been canceled. For good!A problem with this gym is that the classes fluctuates depending on which instructors they have.

Plus side, I found a great new elliptical machine that gives me some "x" program which is random and just as evil as ball class - you try squat, lean back and go fast! Ahh!

I still have NOT had any pop of any kind! I have had a couple of beer but mostly water and coffee (with light cream at home and 2% from Timmies).

Down side other then the ball class... I think I hurt my forearm on the weight machine. Le sigh.

I did not go to the gym yesterday, disappointed in myself. Instead I continued to work until about 6pm, which helped my mind feel better but does not help how tired I am. I haven't gone in over a week and this exhaustion must be related. I have a horribly long day tomorrow and really need to go to bed early if I'm going to be this out of it again.

The upside? I drank no pop yesterday.

That's right, I'm going to try and do the "homework" assigned on yesterday's Oprah show by Dr. Oz - http://www2.oprah.com/health/oz/slide/20080219/oz_20080219_350_208.jhtml

No Pop for 2 weeks - This includes anything in the pop machine here at work (except water) which means not even Coke Zero (the horror)!!

This means no "mixed" alcohol so I'll have to look for something else to drink should the want take me. Not that I'm a big drinker on a general basis anyway.

And I need to go to the gym again, I've had a couple of slacking weeks, including yesterday where I brought my stuff to work yet left it here in a fit of exaustion. So tonight I go to the gym!

I went around to everyone's desk and took a picture of the little hearts!

Will post them later (when I'm at home and can upload)

Matt and I don't celebrate V-Day. We usually if anything buy something for the apartment (past years have brought us a dvd player and our entertainment centre).

I did however make little origami (from my origami a day calendar) hearts for the ladies at work AND I made the cuteness that are the knitted stuffed hearts (http://mochimochiland.com/weblog/?p=14). I had to hand them out today because they took about an hour each to make and I ran out of time on the 13th. Everyone enjoyed their little bit of cuteness on a Friday morning (I however forgot to take pictures *sad*)

For Matt I made him a giant origami hearts that said I LUV P on it (from a funny calendar a day).

I did go out for lunch with my dad to a great little indian place on King street, nothing to do with V-day, he just happened to be downtown! It was great!

Ok this is super gross.

Friday night we were going to bed, and I noticed a strange smell on the sheets. I thought nothing much of it, I knew I was doing laundry on Saturday.

Saturday comes and we laze around, I even take a nap because I had a headache.
Around 3pm we start laundry, and I'm sorting and I grab the sheets off the bed. I notice that the smell in the room now and I can't figure out what it is. I strip duvet cover off the duvet as I notice the smell on it as well.

Matt and I go about the laundry, and all the fun that this activity entails. Eventually it's late, we need to start supper so Matt putters over to the store to get root veggies so I can stick them with the pork roast (sweet potatoes, carrots, apricots and dates... yum!)

For reasons I'll never remember I go back into the bedroom.. and notice something on the floor. At first I think it's a forgotten sock until I look a little closer. Oh! It's a cat toy! Wait, we don't have any realist....

DEAD MOUSE

Oh yes, it was dead and it smelled.

My only guess is that it's been cold, it got into the apartment found our comfy warm duvet and curled up in it and died!

Which means I slept under or around it at least Friday night! Oh and who can forget that nap on Saturday!

Needless to say I'm still creeped out, even if everything is now cleaned and Febreezed (anti bacterial) and aired out.

Sooo sooo soo GROSS!

Matt worked the National Bridal Show and of course I sent him on a mission.

"Photographer, DJ, Flowers... Photographer, DJ, Flowers..."
I stated that mantra a few times to him and of course he remembered one.

Thankfully he told his bosses I give him a mission to find a photographer and they immediately pointed out a booth, which wasn't far from his own. "These guys are the best". Matt talked with them for a while on the Saturday before the end of the show, brought me home their brochure/card. He had nothing but great things to say about the two of them (yes 2! husband & wife), immediately clicking with their personalities and their work was exactly what we were looking for.

Sunday he told them we would like to meet with them, Monday they called, Tuesday we met with the husband. I felt so comfortable there in his studio (even when he set the light on me so I could see his portfolio) so much so that we booked the full package at the end of our hour meeting.

I'm really looking forward to both the engagement photo session (I'm so happy to have secured this!) and for them to shoot our wedding.


I'm also really excited that we get 2 photographers! This means I can get my detail/journalist shots and get in those 'must have' lined up boring shots.

So with much debate we have booked our venue for our August 09 wedding. Matt didn't want to go look at the place since we want an outdoor ceremony and it's January. Now I understand this, however there are things called pictures that show what the place is like in the summer months, when flowers are blooming and brides are happy.

My greatest fear is that if we waited until spring, any chance of our preferred date would be booked.

So of course I make an appointment to see the place and we both love it! One week later (last Sunday) we put our first deposit and secured our date. Hopefully I don't have to go and do any more underhandedness as Matt has been great giving his ideas

Me: do you think we should "name" our tables for the reception
Him: Yes!(pause) After Starships!!!
Me: ...Numbers it is
Him (fading off): although who would we put at the "crazy horse" table
Me: I'm going to sleep now.

This should be fun fun planning! We haven't even gotten to photographer yet!

Matt & I have been together for 7 years this past January. We have been through a lot including a break up and the drama that follows dating your ex-boyfriend's best friend.

So there we both are, gathered in the family room at Matt's parents place for Christmas (having already celebrated with my own family a week earlier). All but one large present had been opened; one that Matt was adamant that we do not open until the end. It was mine.


I was handed the box, and opened it with zest and excitement. I truly had no idea; perhaps I had a few thoughts prior to the day but didn't really think it would happen. Sure enough inside this box was a smaller box, and a bag inside that, and a box, and a box... and finally there was the small little velvet box with a beautiful engagement ring inside! At the point that I opened the little box, Matt had slowly started to get to one knee in the middle of the pile of Christmas paper that lay at my feet. Unfortunately he didn't get a chance to say anything, as I had burst into tears. I cried (happily) for roughly five minutes, nodded a yes and gave him a hug and cried some more!



We couldn't be happier! It was a great proposal and a great Christmas!

I participated in a Dragon Boat race this past Saturday. It was a lot of work for a race that lasts under a minute and half, but quite satisfying. It definitely shows that I'm out of shape as I was in a lot of pain on Sunday, in fact my back doesn't feel so good at this moment either.

We didn't completely lose but we didn't come close to winning either, however I'm proud of us all. We laughed, gave it our all and I think that's what matters. Some groups were taking it very seriously, having meetings and what not. Which I can understand if this wasn't a for charity event.

Since then I've had a pretty busy week. Work is busy, trying to finish making this apartment nice makes me busy.. and of course it's Premiere week! And I'm a tv addict.